This will be the last of my lies series. I went with the top three. I am sure I will have more lies to uncover later. The third lie I have believed is that I can have it all. I am not superwoman. There may be some of you out there that are. I, however, am not so I can not do it all. If I am exceptional at my full time job, my family gets what is left over. If my family is being the center, I can’t work full-time well. If I go all out and work and parent effectively, my relationship falters and I don’t sleep enough.
This is a lie that my mother’s generation told me. They said that you can be a mom, keep a clean house, have a successful marriage and climb the corporate ladder. They told us that we could be anything we set our mind to. I understand that women wanted more than keeping a man’s house and raising his kids. I get that men didn’t love their wives like Christ loves the church. I know that men used the word submission as a sword that meant giving them all that they wanted. I get that women felt unappreciated and unloved. I totally understand the want for more. I want more as well.
Here are some facts for you, there are only 24 hours a day. As per the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women spend on average 2.8 hours a day keeping house. If you work a full-time job that is 8.5 hours spent on the job site. The average commute in my neck of the woods is .75 hours each way. In order to be a good parent, I need to spend at least 20 min a day reading to my youngest and no less than half an hour helping the oldest with homework. Preparing food will take another .75 hours a day according to the USDA. So we haven’t added sleep and we are at 14.38 hours. My children need to be healthy so I need to keep them active for 1 hour a day. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t join them plus I need the exercise. So 15.38 hours gone. My kids need to eat so I have to grocery shop that takes 8 minutes out of the day. Plus a good family eats together at a table another half hour gone. Doctors recommend 8 hours of sleep. We also need at least 20 minutes of time with our spouse to just keep in touch. I have already totaled up 24.34 hours. I don’t know if you notice, that is more time than there is in a day. Meaning there is no time to relax, there is no time for a hobby.
I am not saying I want to put women back a few decades. I am just asking we get real with ourselves. We can’t be good at everything we do. We have to make choices. I am making the choices that are right for my family. You should do what is right for yours. I will say that maybe we need to give ourselves and other women a break. We need to be honest and tell ourselves that having it all comes at a price. For me that price was out of control anxiety, a marriage in distress and a family that got my daily left-overs. The price I pay for less anxiety, a marriage that is improving and happier kids, is the fact I don’t work full time and that shows in our bank account. For me it is worth it. It might not be for you. Let’s just stop believing the lies!