Love is…

1 John 4:8

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

and

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I have been thinking a lot on love lately. There seems to be such confusion on what love is.  Love is complex. We are complex and our God is complex. On the surface love seems easy.  I mean it is love, we all love someone.  So if we all do it, it must be easy. Right? I have also wondered why is love so important to God. I mean other than the fact that he is love.

Matthew 22:34-40

The Greatest Commandment

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The greatest commandment is to love God. The close second was to love your neighbor.  I am pretty sure that neighbor isn’t just meaning the people who live next door. So why is it that Christianity has become synonymous with judgmental people. Especially when the Bible says:

Matthew 7:1-2

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Here is why I think it is so important to start at a point of love. Loving lets you look past peoples flaws.  Just like I can forgive my two year old her bossy ways.  Or how I could stay up all night rocking a crying baby.  Love is the reason, I can look past Dan’s short givings.  It is why I can forgive my 11 year old her poor attitude during this time of puberty. If you start from a point of love, you can overcome so many things. Love leads to patience and kindness and lets you forget who is winning. The reason why love doesn’t keep score is because if you are keeping score you are losing in love.

Love doesn’t mean never feeling frustrated, it means you work past the frustration.  Love doesn’t mean that you don’t speak the truth but you do it in a way that isn’t nasty and mean. Love means you look past the sin and let God do the work. Love doesn’t mean you don’t point people to the way but you don’t force the way on them. God wants the heart of his followers. So as Christians maybe we should stop Bible thumping and bullying people into believing.  Maybe it is time that we let people see the God that forgave us our greatest sins.  You know the one who loves you. The one who never leaves you alone.  The one who gives you strength.  That awesome God who does all that for you can certainly do it for them.

God loves the World

John 3:16

 For God so loved the WORLD that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

This is the verse in the Bible that even Christian children know by heart.  I have for a long time believed that we forget that this means that God loves the WHOLE WORLD. You know everyone! Not just those of us who believe in him. This may surprise a lot of people but God’s word is the truth so I am taking him at his word on this.  While I know how important it is to have people of faith as friends.  It is time we went out and made friends with those sinners.

Not just the sin we are more comfortable with.  All those nasty sins, that make us uncomfortable.  You know the homeless that remind us that we are all just a few bad choices or set of circumstances away from being in their shoes. The drunk and the prostitutes and strippers should be hearing the good news not the hell and damnation we heap upon them. How about those that are part of the LGBT community?  Or those ladies who are having abortions?

There are a couple of verses that maybe we have forgotten.

Matthew 7:3-5

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

John 8:7

 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

God isn’t calling us to judge one another, he is calling us to love one another.  So maybe instead of standing out side of an abortion clinic with signs of unborn babies and telling people they have murdered their baby, maybe the sign should say “Jesus loves You.”  Maybe instead of signs that tell homosexuals they are going to hell, we should be letting them know about God the redeemer.  Here is what I know, no one judging me has ever changed the way I behave but God working in my heart has.  We should be letting them know about God and letting Jesus take on their sin.  Maybe we should be feeding the homeless and giving them a place to stay instead of keeping them out of sight and out of mind.

What are you doing to love one another?  Do you need to do more?

Little affirmations

Ever wonder if you are being a good mom?  I know I am constantly worried that I am screwing my kids up!  I am not perfect.  I am a ways from being perfect but I love my kids.  My 11 year, hates me….or says she does often enough.  The provocation for this hatred is forcing her to do the dishes and making her prove she is responsible enough for a phone.

The two year old, well she throws a fit like a pro! Always has since day one! She pushes my patience and has taken to pushing Abby’s as well. She is not going to be a boring person like me.  No she has her dads flare for the dramatic and humor.

My children at the age of two and 11 are at some of the most challenging times of their life.  One who is trying to be a big girl. The other is trying to figure out who she is in the midst of all the hormones.  It is sometimes hard to tell if you are doing a good job.  So last night as the two of them are playing together the little one picks up a couple teddy bears. One is the mommy and the other is the baby.  The mommy bear is hugging the baby bear.  Guin looks at me as says, “mommies have to hug their babies.”

Here is what I learned in that moment. She knows that I  love her. She feels loved.  Yup I am a good mom.  She has learned that good moms give their children hugs.  They show them love.  Her big sister reinforced the rule by agreeing….Yep they both feel loved.  They clearly get enough hugs! Since I have been at home, I have struggled from time to time to find the value.  I had gotten so use to my value being decided by the amount of my paycheck.  Yesterday, my value was clearly numbered by the amount of hugs I have given.  I love how God is working in this family. How he took me from what was comfortable to me, in the opposite direction.  God is showing me that my value doesn’t have to be monetary but can be measured by other measuring sticks.

One final note, this one is about measuring. Never measure yourself by a measuring stick meant for another. God gave you your own measuring stick.  Try to use that one.  If you use another one, you will find yourself always lacking!

Trust, you say?

The definition of trust is a Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

Seems like trust should be so easy. For this disrespectful wife it seems to be the central issue.  The question I have been asking myself for a while is; Do I trust that God gave me my spouse? Really it is a series of questions. The next question quickly follows, If I trust that God has chosen my husband for me, why am I not trusting in him? I have found honor, respect and submission are all a result of trust. Meaning, if I trust my husband, it is easy to esteem and respect him. When I have trust and respect for him it is much easier to submit than if I do not.
In the past, I have focused on submission. I have read a number of books about biblical submission. They have run the gamete. While I do believe that God gave me the set of skills I have and he wants me to use them, I  can’t do use them to usurp my man! So if I am to take the word trust and break down the definition, maybe I can find good reason to trust. This might seem like an odd exercise but follow me. Does Dan have integrity, ability and character that should lead me to have a firm reliance on him?

Let us start with his integrity. Although, I know he has lied about things in the past, It is very rare. He is a pretty open book.  He is honest in his dealings. He is polite to most people. He has a good heart. He trusts in God. He leans on God. He doesn’t steal, he abhors porn, hasn’t cheated, puts God first and thinks of his family as he makes decisions. While there are a few things like sarcasm as a mask for pain, and joking as a way to get out his feeling in a ha ha not so funny way. The great preponderance of the evidence shows that his integrity is GOOD and I should be able to have a firm reliance on his integrity.

So what about his ability? I think he has it is spades. He is well liked and respected at work. Not just at his office but across the state. People ask to work with him on complex problems. You may be asking how does this apply to the house? He has great problem solving abilities. When he runs up to a problem at work he works until it is solved. This sometimes means he has to be creative, which to be fair is needed when you have a wife like he has.  He makes enough money for me to stay home with the children. This makes him a great provider. He pays our bills on time. The children mostly like him but always love him. He is a GREAT dad. He took on being a parent when Abby was already 7. Which by all accounts is a strange place to start. Honestly, I can’t find anything lacking in his abilities. He is constantly amazing me with the things he can do!

So what about his character? Well aside from his sometimes hurtful humor, he has exceptional character. Although, I wish he apologized more, there isn’t a lacking in his character. I can depend on him 99 times out of 1oo. He calls when he says he will call. He shows up when he says he will. He is honest, and forthcoming. He is loyal to friends and family. He always speaks well of me to others. So overall his character seems to lead me to believe that I can have a firm reliance on him.

One of the things that I learned while in a group for my anxiety, was that you have to dissect a thought. When something makes you anxious, you have to break the thought down. What you do is you say this is my thought, it makes me feel a certain way, is this a reasonable thought? So as I am looking at the thought that I can’t trust Dan, I need to dissect the thought. Is it reasonable to believe that Dan is untrustworthy? Well as you can see….Dan is trustworthy. I can have a firm reliance on his integrity, ability and character. If I can have a firm reliance on his attributes I can have a firm reliance on him.

So while this doesn’t guarantee that Dan will be 100% reliable. It does mean that I am doing more harm to our relationship worrying about the tiny amount of times he will let me down.  The fact is that most days, I feel loved and understood by Dan. Why am I treating him with such distrust? This disrespectful wife really needs to take a leap of faith and trust that God did indeed plan to have Dan and I together. I need to believe that Dan is deserving of my trust! Maybe I will just start with a very granola, Washingtonian thing and make it my daily affirmation. I might just start off each day saying, I will trust Dan. I will trust Dan.

Just trust me.

This blog post has been sitting in my queue of drafts for over a month. It was three-quarters of the way done. I would like to say thank you to April at Peaceful Wife’s Blog. Click here for a link to the blog that gave me the courage to finally dust it off and finish it. It also has me writing another one. So again thank you April!

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

There are a few things that Dan and I have been looking at lately. I have a hard time trusting in things. I am a planner and need to know exactly what is going on. Dan has what I  would call a broad idea of what he sees and wants. He is more likely to look at next week than next year. I am trying to plan for the next ten years. Dan has no need to plan. He has complete faith that God has his back. He doesn’t go messing with guessing what his plan is. I trust in God but I long for direction. I want to have a family mission plan or statement.

I think that one of the biggest issues we have in our relationship is the different opinion we take on planning. The fact is that this difference takes me way out of my comfort zone. I squirm and I stress and I just want to be let in on the plans. Not just from Dan but from God. I know that they both have my back but I want in. I want to know where I am going and when. I don’t know that I would want to change the plan but I just want to know. I am sure if I saw it all I would think the plan a crazy one. That still doesn’t seem to curb my fears. Maybe there are others who know what I mean.

Dan takes what comes and deals with what is at hand.  He doesn’t want to be caught boasting of his plans for tomorrow. I on the other hand, don’t want to boast but what to at least have a general direction laid out. I love Dan’s faith in God. I love that he has comfort in knowing that God has each step laid out and he shouldn’t worry. I was trained to worry.

My life has taught me to have a plan for as many possible outcomes as you can. My life hasn’t had consistency. My life has been filled with chaos. In the midst of it I learned to worry.  Once I get to know someone, I can often see what course of action they will take. People rarely surprise me. I have learned to read them and I get most people. Unfortunately, because I have a long history of seeing the cliff people are running full speed toward, I have a hard time trusting anyone. Poor Dan sure has to deal with a lot of my trust baggage.

While I admire Dan’s ability to run straight ahead towards what appears to be a cliff; while trusting that God will catch him if it is a cliff or will keep him from it all together, I am completely afraid of it. It has me afraid to trust in Dan. In all truth, it has me afraid to trust in God. God has never let me down. He has always come when I have cried out. I have myself wondering….why is this trust thing so hard!

Feeble and Severely Broken

It has been crazy in our house as of late.  Abby has been out of school and Guin is well two and quite a Houdini. I am always listening for my door to open with that one. I am shocked the neighbors haven’t called the cops to report my two-year old roaming the neighborhood unsupervised! On top of having children and starting to get some of the schedule kinks worked out for teaching Abby and getting her to want to do work outside of the school type setting, we have been getting the house ready to sell. On top of that we had Grandpa come to fix one of the cars. That took longer than expected in part because Dan is at his new job and may I say doing an absolutely great job but can’t take leave till it is all in order. (I am pretty sure that the last sentence wasn’t grammatically correct but not sure how to change it.) With Dan having longer days a lot of extra work has been put on my plate including painting each room in the house and prepping and painting the exterior. The house is a horrible yellow. I have been over loaded with things.

As the weeks have gone on I was feeling stressed.  So I knew what I needed to do. Put God at the center and the rest would fall into place. So when I get up in the morning with Dan so I can make him his coffee and talk a little to him, I take time to read the Bible a little when the kids are still asleep. I have also started taking a run a couple days a week to help me focus better and relieve some of the stress. All that being said, my husband, loves Psalm 37. It gives him courage, hope and comfort. So I read it myself but I kept going onto Psalm 38. When I got to this passage:

Psalm 38:8 I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.

That from the man after God’s own heart? This has made me decide it was time to do a thorough study on King David. That verse has given me such comfort when I feel like a failure because I am not doing enough. Or when I feel like a failure because there are days that I don’t make enough progress or days when kids have me taking a step or two back. God loved David. He chose David over Saul. I know that I am feeble and severely broken, but God used David when he was feeble and severely broken.  I know that my God can see past the broken person I am and use me as well.

Well I hope you all have a blessed day and I am glad to start getting back into the writing habit again!

So much harder when it hits closer to home

So I recently wrote a little about abortion and how we should show God’s love for people going through a hard time. I understand that the decision is a hard one. I have a close friend and or a family member choosing to abort a baby now. This person has made their life full with bad decisions. They already have four children and only one lives with them. So this choice shouldn’t shock me. To be honest, I am having a hard time not judging the couple. Maybe they are too close for it to be comfortable. The doctor told them it would be best. The baby is likely to be severely retarded and have  Spina Bifida. The baby would have extreme special needs. These people don’t have the funds for that. I get it I do!

It is hard to have a special needs child. My older brother was one. He didn’t have physical deformities but his mental capabilities left a lot to ask for. It was hard being a sibling Randy, let alone a parent who had a million other things to take care of. I have friends who have children with special needs and I see that it is hard. Since the procedure isn’t done yet, I asked if they would consider adopting the baby out if someone was to come forward. I would take the baby in a heart beat. I haven’t heard a thing back from them since I asked.

Here is the real deal, I value this life. I know taking care of a baby like this is hard. My heart breaks that just because it isn’t perfect and raising the baby will take more patience, time and commitment than I have ever had to conjure for my children, I just can’t come to terms with the complete disregard that this baby is in fact a human life. I could not stand by and not offer an alternate solution. Why is it that aborting the baby is the best option? The best option for who? The best option for the parents? The best option for society? It certainly isn’t the best option for the baby.

I haven’t lost my love for these people. I hope they haven’t thought I had crossed the line. Here is where I have a hard time with the abortion issue. I really do believe that they are human babies and I value their lives. I also believe that I should not be the one to judge them. I also believe that if I am going to stand firm in my beliefs, I need to do more than just talk. I should provide solutions.What I believe is that most people don’t want to have an abortion. I think that we have detached life from babies as long as they are in utero. We also haven’t done enough to try to solve the problems of the mothers who seek out abortion.

You want to stop or reduce abortions and help these children. Let’s help with the problems before we get there.  Why aren’t we helping high school girls in underprivileged areas make better choices. Why aren’t we ministering with love and food. When people come to us for help….why aren’t we helping them. Let’s help these women get through school, learn to love God, raise children in God’s love? Why aren’t we doing more than just judging them? The approach you must take is a comprehensive one.

Here is what I know, I had to tell these people they had another option. I don’t think that is anything but love. I had to let them know that the life was to be valued, not matter how small or how broken. I had to let them know that abortion wasn’t the only option. I had to let them know that God loves the baby and loves them. That is all I can do. I just wish they would take the offer and let me adopt the baby, I value the baby and love the baby even if they aren’t choosing to.